Day 32

You know those days when you just want to throw in the towel?  Yep, it’s been a couple of them for me.  Lately, I have been feeling the heaviness of the burdens I am writing about.  These issues are not easy to hear and discuss and feel.  And it gets kind of overwhelming after a while.  Trying to figure out ways to respond, how to change our ways, efforts in advocacy that will truly make a difference.  Really, more than anything, just deep down I feel the wearisome sting of the lack of mercy and compassion in our world.  But sometimes I feel unmerciful myself.  I question what I am doing.  How are things ever going to change?  Do I really understand?  And care?  If need be, am I really willing to take on the cause of another, regardless of worth, and sacrifice my own desires for their good?  I feel just downright tired.  And dejected.

But then I think about how insignificant my weariness is in comparison to what millions of my brothers and sisters face everyday.  Those that battle addictions.  The ones with criminal records who fight against legal discrimination just to put food on the table and pay the light bill.  For my friends who struggle to overcome systems of oppression that I really have no clue about.  And they give me strength.  Well, first their experiences put me in my place — stop whining you big baby.  You have a great job (2 actually), wonderful family, nice home, opportunities, social support, a family safety net, education, privilege.  You really don’t know what tired is, Kent.  But we all have our burdens, perhaps.  And if we bear each other’s burdens, maybe, just maybe, we might not all get so weary. And I hear their voices singing to me from the depths,

From the depths of disaster I appeal to You, O Eternal One:
Lord, hear my cry!
    Attune Your ears to my humble prayer!

If You, Eternal One, recorded each offense,
    Lord, who on earth could stand innocent?
But with You forgiveness exists;
    that’s why true respect of You might flow.

So I wait for the Eternal—my soul awaits rescue—
    and I put my hope in His transforming word.
My soul waits for the Lord to break into the world
    more than night watchmen expect the break of day,
    even more than night watchmen expect the break of day.

O Israel, ground your hope in the Eternal.
    For in the Eternal lives the most loyal love,
    and with Him comes the most abundant redemption.
He will ransom Israel
    from all the sinful acts that stole you away.  Psalm 130

And so I wait.  Wait for the Lord to break into the world.  Watchful for the most abundant redemption that we all need.  Together we wait…